Because it was dead!

Well I am sitting here doing lesson plans. It's all getting easier. The problem is AIM, just like it has always been. AIM is so much more interesting. Here is a joke: Why did they bury the battery?

Well, I was reading Brittany's blog and saw that she tagged me to make a list of seven things. My seven things will be things I wish to do:

1. Not be sitting in Bagel and Beanery or whatever it's called for the third time in a week frantically doing random work.

2. Not wake up with a huge Stinkbug in my bed who won't go away and have to sleep on the couch all night instead, and then find him still there in the morning.

3. Remember important things.

4. Buy a Coach purse, or have a collection of Coach things.

5. Have my car cleaned when a Mom comes and talks to me about how her kids are doing in my class, while examining the filthy and numerable contents of the car with suspicion and contempt.

6. Remember Greek. Especially when I start to lecture a student on the root word (s) of the word "synonym".

7. Be able to be completely perfect all the time.

So, I am doing lesson plans

I am doing lesson plans, except not. Good story from another class:

After class ended last week, I found this note:

To: you
Frum: me

I am bord soooooooooooooooooooo motch!

and the reply was:

To: you
Frum: me

I no. I am bord so motch tooooooooooo!!!!


I knew who had written it based on the atrocious handwriting. So, I have corrected the spelling mistakes, and will return it back to them later, haha! oh the irony.

Best sentence from a writing class:

3. Describe your least favorite thing to do, using the words "very", "most" and "hardest".

"My least favorite thing to do is to play with dumb barbies because they are very ugly and most annoying things. I try my hardest not to shoot them with my B-B gun. "

The Fulbright Grant Application Saga

Last minute, I decided to apply for a Fulbright Grant to study Arts management. Over the last year, I have been thinking about getting a degree that would be good for creating my own arts school, which I could run as an inner-city ministry. So I made an appointment with a professor, and he told me I should talk to another professor, who told me to apply for the Fulbright. I had to hurry though, because the GVSU deadline for the application was the following Monday (this was a Wednesday).

So, I start looking into programs that I could do with the Fulbright. The Fulbright, a one year all-in-one package deal, is only offered to people studying abroad, being established to promote good relations between the U.S. and the rest of the world. Having already experienced the horrors of language barrier and trying to apply to un-English institutions, I decided to apply to two schools in London, because at least I could read their websites. This became the First Obstacle; out of the 1500 Fulbright grants given annually, only 10 are given to programs in the U.K. I guess we already have good relations with them?

But, undaunted, I began the application process. This involves: three letters of recommendation, a transcript, a personal statement, and statement of grant purpose. You also have to submit the application online and in hard copy to a "Dr. J" on Grand Valley's campus. I got to work right away on finding recommenders and ordering the transcript. The statements, however, were more than I had counted on. For one thing, they have to be good, since the entire application award is based primarily off of them. Several drafts are recommended, and I only had the weekend to write them and get them proofed. By Friday, I had worked up a personal statement, summing up how the way I am is making me apply for this thing. I got the draft back Saturday night. I had yet to write the grant purpose; not that I hadn't tried so far. This was the Second Obstacle. For some reason, everything I would begin to write and email to myself to finish at another computer, would not download properly. Most of the time, I coudn't even view it as HTML and copy and paste. Either that, or I didn't have internet anyways to access my email. So, I began the grant statement about three times before having enough time to finish it in one sitting, which I did Sunday night.

The Third Obstacle. The recommenders became aware that they were not able to write a recommendation for me until they had seen my statement of grant purpose. But I didn't have that until Sunday night, when I emailed the unedited, undrafted statement to them to read by Monday night. Then there was Obstacle Four. I was not able to fully complete the Fulbright application until I had applied to the Universities that I was wishing to be granted the scholarship for, because the Fulbright people want to have a Letter of Affiliation from them personally. So that screwed being able to apply by Monday. "Dr. J" gave me an extension until Friday to turn in the hardcopy, bless him. Monday night found me at a GVSU computer lab frantically trying to write a better draft of my statement (receiving some comments from my recommenders) in order to apply the Universities in question and to submit the online Fulbright application.

Monday night, I was sitting next to my old friend Eric, who happens to be a great proofreader. He was doing a take home theory exam, and there I was tearing my hair out over my unproofed statements. Eric worked with me through the grant statement (my personal statement was inaccessible because it wouldn't download to GVSU computers) until about 1:30 a.m. I thought that at the very least I could get the grant statement uploaded to the Fulbright online app. But, it was not to be. I decided to email this copy, which was more clear about what the heck I wanted to do, to my recommenders. About this time, I decided to catch the bus back home to go to bed. And this was Sub-Obstacle 1. The busses from Grand Valley actually stop running at 12, so I was stranded there....I spent that night on the floor of my friend Krystal's dorm room.

Tuesday, I tried to get the Letters of Affiliation, but again, until I had applied, the universities would not send me so much as a Word of Affiliation. And, of course, I could not apply to the universities until I had my statements, which simply were not in prime condition, to say the least. Sub-Obstacle 2 is the fact that one university does not have an online application, so in order to apply, I would need to send in a hard copy overseas. Feasible by that Friday? I think not.

Grand Obstacle Five. On Thursday night, I was back at the lab. After doing lesson plans for 4 classes, I had planned to quickly edit my final copies of my statements, and just at least submit the online application for the Fulbright, print it off, and give it to Krystal to turn in to "Dr. J" the next day. But this was not to happen, due to events so bizarre and unimaginably frustrating, that they deserve their own two paragraphs:

When I began to work on my grant statement (I had printed the one with instructors comments off Mom's computer, and taken it with me, to use with the HTML copy and paste version that I downloaded from an email attachment), the lab attendent (who I later found was named Mike) came in at 12 and shut down the lab. Krystal and I followed him to the only other lab open till 1, the Calder lab. So, I had one hour to get everything done. I finished my grant statement, and Uploaded it to the application. "One down! one more to go!!" I feverishly thought. I only had to upload the other one, print it off, and give it to Krystal. So I thought.

It had actually taken me an hour to get just that done, and so, I had to leave. There was another Sub-obstacle 3, which involved the lab attendent Mike having to drive me across campus in search of my purse, which was actually in my car. Determined to print the app that night, I went to Krystal's, and began to furiously type at my personal statement. I finished it, and was about to gleefully upload, when I noticed that the grant statement had not uploaded like I had thought. What happened? I have no idea. Sub-obstacle 4 turned out to be that I had only saved the dang thing to my GVSU student account, and now I was working from my Dell, making the statement inaccessible once again. Even more determined, I opened my personal statement to upload. I quickly devised a plan to leave in-between the classes I was teaching the next day, do the printing and uploading, and turn it in myself. The final obstacle of the night was that the document would not upload, because it was a Word Perfect Document. I had to put it on a flashdrive, load it onto Krystal's computer, save it as a Word, then put it back on my computer, and then upload it. It was 3 am and I had accomplished almost nothing. "The Insanity!"

Friday, I had two hours to haul my rear from Wyoming to Allendale, deliver the app, and get back in time to teach. Obstacle 6: I had no idea where the building was that I had to deliver it to. I had never been to Niemeyer. But I knew my friend Ryan had. So on my way to the bus stop (I had to take the bus, since gas prices are the way they are) I called Ryan, who didnt know either. I figured I had to just download a map of some kind. I arrived at Grand Valley in good time, and printed the application, stuffed it into an envelope, and starting trotting across campus as fast as possible in my high heels, intent on delivering this piece of the pit. I got there, handed in the application and went back to the busstop, to get back to my car, to return to school, to teach Latin.

But this, my friends, is not the end. No, it is not. On Monday, I received an email from the "Dr. J" saying that I had forgotten to sign the application, provide two more letters of recommendation, and my transcript. What the heck?? So, there was nothing for me to do but to go to Grand Valley the next day and marshall the letters that I thought had been told to arrive on Friday, pick up the transript I had ordered over a week ago, and sign the app. So, I did.

This all brings up to this moment. I have still been trying to get the Letters of Affiliation. I applied to the one university that I actually could I apply to on Tuesday, emailed them that I had, and have been waiting for a reply about my Letter. Tonight I got one saying:

Hello

On checking the data base we do not appear to have received your application. If you applied online can you email your application number.

Best Wishes

Best Wishes?? They HAVE my danged application! Still determined, still undaunted, still pressing on to the end, I went online to go find my application number. I will need the Letter by Friday; if I can get them to find the application by tomorrow, then perhaps this is possible. Tonight is my only chance to email them before 11:00 tomorrow, at which time, their offices will be soon closing. But, but, and but - the link to their online application is down. Yes, it's down, and since their confirmation email does not include my number, like a good American application would, the whole thing is totally, completely screwed. At the very end, it is some rube in charge of a website stopping me from finishing this application.

The interviews by the Fulbright committee are on Monday. And though I am scheduled for one, I also am scheduled to work, with zero chance of getting it off so far.

What would you do?